You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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