It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
