Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
