More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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