She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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