HIV tests are more positive than that guy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
