My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
