i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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