She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
