I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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