apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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