She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
