She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
