I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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