I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
