so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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