if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
