Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
