I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
