hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
