What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
