I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
