Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
