Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
