you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
