Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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