Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
