id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
