I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
