I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Panties = found
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
