No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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