Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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