if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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