Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
