New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
