I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
