I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
