you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
