She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
