yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
