He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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