trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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