I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
