Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
