Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
