If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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