She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
