Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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