I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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