We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
