it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
