you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
