we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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