watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
