u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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