omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
