I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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