dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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