Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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