I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
