Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
